The Dr. Jekylle and Mr. Hyde of bathroom visits

After having been here for a while, I’ve encountered a few different reactions from people about being American. My personal favorites are two very contrasting events that both happened in a bathroom.

The first happened in a bathroom in this pub we like to go to called the Slug and Lettuce. Myself, Carmen and one other American girl went downstairs to use the bathroom. There were five stalls in the bathroom but Carmen informed us that only the last one had toilet paper in it. We were going to wait but it was obvious that there were two girls sharing the stall so I decided to drip dry. My friends followed suit. Now my stall just happened to be the closest to the other girls so I was able to hear what they were saying while my friends were not. What I heard first was a terrible attempt at an American accent in which the girl was saying ‘like’ every other word. It was at this point that I thought to myself “Surely she’s not making fun of us when we’re two feet away.” Apparently, I was wrong. The next thing I heard was ‘Stupid fucking Americans. Nobody likes you. You should just go home. You say ‘like’ too much and you start every war anyway.’

(Now just as a side note, it may have been two for one cocktails at the pub on this particular night) 

As you may have guessed, this did not go over well with me. After about three seconds of careful thought about my next step I emerged from the stall and said (direct quote) “Bitch please. I like how you talk shit behind a closed door.” After this the girl came out of her stall and asked me what I said. Basically, she was not prepared for how I reacted and she was all stuttery about how I say ‘like’ too much. It was at this point that she made sure to move very quickly towards the door. After informing her that it was a little pretentious of her to make judgments about me and my friends without even knowing us she pointed to her friend who was standing behind me and asked why I wasn’t yelling at her. I turned around to see the other girl with a look of panic on her face and I calmly informed them that the second girl was not being rude.

I then turned back on the other girl. I asked her what it was she had said about war. Her brilliant response right before practically running out the door was “Just shut up. Your voice annoys me.” As she was scurrying away with her tail between her legs I continued to shout things at her. They may have included comments on Tony Blair’s eagerness to invade Iraq and Britain’s treaty bound obligation as a member of NATO to be in Afghanistan.  Or something like that….

My next encounter happened in a bathroom after one of my classes and was a much more pleasant, albeit awkward, experience. Slight background for this story: in my class there is a guy who likes to hear himself talk but he’s sort of an idiot. Being an idiot, he says really stupid things. 

Examples of stupid things:

1)      Arguing with me about how America now how nationalized healthcare.

2)      Telling me all Americans are right wing and that there are no liberals.

3)      Informing the class that it’s illegal in America to be a communist.

That helps paint a picture of this guy. So after class, I went to use the bathroom. Now the thing about bathrooms here is that the stall doors go all the way to the floor making it impossible to know who or if at all someone is in the stall. While in the stall, three girls who are in my class walked in. These girls are what would be typical of sorority girls in America so needless to say up until this point I had had very little contact with them.

The three girls were talking about the guy from our class. Mostly they were saying how he obviously didn’t ever know what he was talking about and he just made himself look like an idiot. Then one of the girls says “Not like that Megan girl who brings stuff up.” One of the girls asked which one that was and she said “The American girl. She seems to know what she’s talking about.” At the same time I was flattered and really awkward. I didn’t know if I should say something or just hide in there until they left. I decided to just walk out. As I walked out the girl who wasn’t in a stall caught a glimpse of me in the mirror and looked like she was going to die of embarrassment. I said thanks and awkwardly waved. I tried to tell them that it was much nicer than the last time I heard someone talking about me in the bathroom. But she misunderstood and instead launched into an explanation that she wasn’t saying anything bad only that I seemed smart when I talked. Um… thanks. Shortly after her friends walked out of the stall and were just as awkward as she was. I left as quickly as I could but could hear one of them say “Awk-ward” to the rest as I was leaving.

Moral of the story: Pee at home.

Picnic!

My friends and I decided last Saturday that since it was SO beautiful outside that we would go to one of the parks and have a picnic. I've talked about the Borough Market in another post. That's where we went to get the food for our outing. While we were there, two things happened that made me fall in love with it even more. The first stop was at the vegetable stand that I always go to. I got the veggies that I wanted and started waiting in line. There were two older women waiting in line in front of me. Now, as a side note, there is a sign up that says if you would like a plastic bag then you will be charge 20 pence for one. Well the first woman in line didn't like this so she set her vegetables on the counter and walked out all huffy which left the second old woman in line. Well she didn't much like the idea either. Even after the man at the counter showed her that 20 p would not pay for that bag and that it was reusable she still took it upon herself to inform him that people only pretend to care about being green so that they can make money off of it. It was at this point that the man took her vegetables, put them behind the counter, and said 'Well you have a nice day then' in a sarcastic tone. She still wanted to buy her vegetables but he wouldn't let her! Guess they mean business about recycling. I made sure to show him that I brought my OWN bag so that he wouldn't be mad at me too. But he was just lovely to me. I like a market that supports the Earth.
The next thing that furthered my love for Borough Market was at a bakery stand. We were there about closing time so people were giving better deals than they do early in the day. There was one old man who REALLY wanted us to buy his bread. So he told us it was 2 for 1. And it was REALLY good bread. Now the best part, the part that got me to stop walking and buy it, was when he informed us that the last man to be so kind got himself nailed to a cross. He also told us if the Prime Minister found out what he was doing he'd be thrown in jail. Then he gave us some free Foccacia bread. Obviously, the man won my heart.
After the market we went to Hyde Park. The second we stepped off the Tube, the temperature dropped and the sun went away. But we powered through and picnicked anyway. We already had food and a blanket so we didn't really have an option. We had a really good time though and saw some cute kids and dogs. 

An accidental adventure

Last Thursday night my friends and I decided that since our last excursion to the free movie at the outdoor amphitheater went so well that we should do it again. It was a beautiful night, they were playing the movie Up and this time we even thought to bring a blanket to stay warm. Unfortunately, so did A LOT of other people. By the time we got there, the theater was full. A little disappointed we decided instead to just walk some along the river. As we started walking, we noticed dozens of balloons that seemed to be glowing floating up and over the river. At first we thought that maybe they were for the movie Up. Then we heard some music. When we walked a little farther we found some sort of event that was going on. After asking around we found out that it was a walk-a-thon for UNICEF and the balloons were what people held while they walked.

We were all VERY excited about the prospect of getting a balloon. Unfortunately, they told us the balloons were only for people who were walking. So we decided to stand by the beginning of the walking path and cheer people on. Well we did SUCH an amazing job of  cheering that we were beckoned to join. AND we got a balloon. One balloon for five of us to share but a balloon none the less.

And so we walked. We walked down the river and across the Tower Bridge (which most people in America including myself think is called the London Bridge). Eventually we got bored and defected. Balloon still in hand we followed our own path along the river and back across the London Bridge (the actual one this time). So what began as a disappointment for missing the movie turned into a nice little tour of the river and bridges  (and a balloon with an LED light in it!)

Hyde Park

A small back story:

My friend Bree made me this journal before I left. It has amazing quotes and all kinds of interesting facts and things about London. Every Saturday, this journal gives me a task. This past Saturday my task was to find one of the places where part of the 2012 London Olympics would be held.

That place was Hyde Park. Carmen and I ventured up there despite the fact that it was misting rain because the triathlon portion of the games was going to be held in that park.  While we were there we saw some of the cutest things. There were so many little British children in their raincoats and boots. There were tons of dogs for Carmen to make weird cooey noises at. But my favorite thing was an old man watching birds (picture below). He was such a typical old English man and he didn’t move at all while he was watching these birds. I’m still not quite sure if he realized that Carmen and I were creeping on him.

How are my classes, you ask?

Everyone keeps asking me how my classes are. Insanity is the only word I can think of to explain my classes. Everything here is so UNORGANIZED! The administrators here keep telling us that it’s just the way it is in England. But what I’ve heard on the street is that LSBU (my school) is particularly terrible at organization.

So in the US we have two very wonderful aspects to college that I never truly appreciated before. The first is class registration that takes place four months before classes begin. The second is the ten minute period between when your 10 AM class ends at 10:50 and your 11AM class begins.  Why you ask have I all of a sudden found a new love for these seemingly unimportant aspects to college life? BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE THEM HERE!!! That’s right. It’s pretty much just chaos. But I’ll start from the beginning.

Classes for us did not begin until the 27^th of September. My first class was on a Monday and it’s the class that all seven of the Americans here take together. It’s called London: City of Change. Essentially we read all about London, we read works by its writers, and watch films about London. We also get to go on a few excursions around the city. Basically, they walk us through everything because they know we all have no idea what we’re doing here. I wish all the classes were this way.

So after the first day of classes I was lulled into a false sense of security. I went into Tuesday thinking ‘No problem.’ I knew where I was going, when my class was going to start, and what I was going to be learning about. Walk in the park. Until I arrived at said class about five minutes early and was told that this course had nothing to do with EU Law but was in fact a course on how to make a proper resume. So after much running around and held back tears, I finally got in touch with my program director here only to be informed that there was a mistake. Here they study very differently and all the law courses were set out over a year period. I couldn’t actually take the class I had signed up for. After some searching, we were able to find me a class that sounded both interesting to me and was available. I was in the process of being lulled again until I realized that the class was occurring as I sat in the director’s office.

Running from his office to the building where the class was held, I found the room expecting to make the last twenty minutes of class. As I sat in the back of a classroom not quite understanding how the assignment tied into EU politics I started to think once again everything was settled. Wrong. After the class was dismissed a little early, I approached the professor to talk to him about the course only to be told that I wanted room 216A and that I was in just plain 216. Oh, right. OBVIOUSLY. So I stumbled out and found room 216A only to enter at what was the front of the classroom and awkwardly have to make my way to the back of the room. Thinking that at least I can catch the last ten minutes of classes I tried to do my best to just follow the conversation. It was at this point that I was literally biting my lip to keep from telling a guy next to me that the things he was saying about American government were just blatantly wrong. I didn’t want to be ‘that girl’. It wasn’t even opinion though. He was saying idiotic things about the structure of our government. Someday I’ll make sure he knows he’s an idiot. My professor (who looks JUST like Horace Slughorn from Harry Potter: picture below) was very nice and understanding and informed me I would be in his class tomorrow as well. Great. Horrible day over. Not yet.

So my third day of classes started out with that same sense of false security (you’d think I would learn). I went to my first lecture and everything was perfect. On time. Found it fine. Understood everything. It wasn’t until I got to my second class that I found out a slight hitch in my schedule. My second class of the day was set from 1-4 and my third class of the day was set from 3-5. Seriously, LSBU? So I talked to my professor for the second class (who shall from here on out be called Professor Slughorn) and he said not to worry. If I had to leave ‘a little’ early (one hour) that was fine. I could just come to his office to find out what I had missed. Problem solved. No more worries. False.

I left my second class knowing where my third was occurring until I actually arrived and found out there was a nursing course there instead. Great. After many frantic phone calling, I finally found the room and walked in, late once again. Everything worked out just fine for that class in the end. My professor even had an ex-sister-in-law from somewhere in southern Illinois. He didn’t remember where from because he said she was awful but he did say that apart from the horrible bride he found southern Illinois and its cooking quite enjoyable.

Now before you start feeling too terribly bad for me keep one thing in mind. I have no classes on Thursday or Friday which means I have a four day weekend to recover from the insanity that is the English University system.